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-I'm afraid, John, I can't congratulate you. All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. Today we honour the deathwatch beetle that is the doom of our society, and in time, one feels certain, our entire species. But anyway, let's talk about John.

-Please.

-If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures, this is not out of sentiment or caprice, it is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he has overlooked in his obsession with me. Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides. It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there, I feel. And contrast is, after all, God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot. The point I'm trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend. And certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. John, I am a ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship.

-约翰,恐怕我无法祝贺你。所有的情感,尤其是爱,都和被我奉为至高无上的理性相违背。婚礼在我看来,不过是为庆祝这个病态的、道德缺失的世界上所有的错误 虚伪、无理以及冲动。今天我们所尊崇的,是将要毁灭这个社会的蛀虫,将来它也一定会终结整个人类。不过,我们还是说说约翰吧。

-拜托了。

-如果我愿意在冒险时带上一个助手,不会是因为动了感情,或是心血来潮。而是因为他有着诸多优良的品质,只是他自己忽略了,因为对我太过着迷。其实,如果我被认为是思维敏锐,都是因为约翰极为无私地衬托了我。我想,新娘在她们最重要的一天,总是会偏爱平凡无奇的女傧们。新郎和伴郎也很类似,可以说,对比,是上帝增强自己作品美感的方式。除非上帝只是个荒谬的幻想,只为给愚人们提供职业而存在。我想说的就是,我是一个极为讨厌的、礼的、愚蠢的、可恨的混蛋。谁遇见我,都是一种不幸。我对美德不屑一顾,对美好视而不见,对幸福理解不能。所以,如果受邀做伴郎时我无法理解,那只是因为我从未想过我能成为谁最好的朋友。更别说,成为我有幸认识的,最勇敢、最善良、最聪慧的人,最好的朋友。约翰,我是个荒唐的家伙,是你温暖而坚定的友谊拯救了我。

(1)specious

似是而非的;外表美观的;华而不实的;徒有其表的。

例句:It is unlikely that the Duke was convinced by such specious arguments.

公爵不太可能被这种貌似正确的理由说服。

(2)ailing

“ail”的ing形式,指生病的,身体不舒服的;体衰的。

(3)compromised

compromise的现在分词,做形容词的意思是“妥协的;妥协让步的,缺乏抵抗力的”。

例句:

Encourage your child to reach a compromise between what he wants and what you want.

鼓励你的孩子在他想要的和你想要的之间折衷。

(4)deathwatch beetle

deathwatch的意思是临终看护,beetle的做名词的意思是“甲虫”,做动词的意思包括“急忙来回;突出;用槌打”。

(5)caprice

任性,反复无常;随想曲,怪想。

(6)acuity

敏锐;尖锐;剧烈。

例句:We work on improving visual acuity.

我们致力于提高视觉敏锐度。

(7)analogy

类比;类推;类似。

例句:Everyone has analogy fatigue at this point.

在这一点上,人人都有类比疲劳。

(8)ludicrous

滑稽的;荒唐的。

例句:Newspapers publish some ludicrous stories every year, although some of them are actually true.

报纸上每年都会刊登一些荒唐的故事,尽管其中有一些是真的。

(9)obnoxious

讨厌的;可憎的;不愉快的。

例句:If you think you sound obnoxious or obstinate by not answering the question, think of how he feels asking the question more than once.

如果你认为不回答这个问题让你看起来既讨厌又赌气,那想想不止一次问你这个问题他是什么感受。

(10)constancy

坚定不移;恒久不变。

例句:Constancy in love is perpetual inconstancy.


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